Hi, I’m Alex!
You may have known me earlier as Lexane.
My identity
My name is Alex, sometimes French’d to Alexandre. In English, I use he/him and they/them pronouns, which means you can use the one you like the most. In French, I use the pronoun il, which is the classic masculine pronoun. In other gendered languages, please also refer to me with « masculine » pronouns, unless gender-neutral pronouns exist, in which case use either!
I have questions!
First of all, a disclaimer: my journey & thoughts are just mine, and I can’t speak in the name of everyone who changes their name & pronouns. I like to share information, but I don’t have a universal Truth to share with you!
Second, please do message me if you have any question that’s not covered here (I’m assuming that if you’re reading this post, you know how to contact me). I appreciate curiosity and will answer most questions!
I’m scared I’ll get your name and/or pronouns wrong!
It happens, and that’s fine; but please try your best!
There are many posts on the Internet with tips to get this right.
How did you know you were trans?
I’d like to tell you « I’ve always known », but that’s not true. Around the beginning of 2020, I started questioning some things, without questioning my gender at all; I was more thinking I wanted to « look more masculine », but thought of it only as an aesthetic change. For example, that’s when I started cutting my hair shorter and shorter.
In the first half of 2021, I thought more about some things that had been going through my mind, and started linking them to gender. After I mentioned it several times to some friend groups, my girlfriend, who I cannot thank enough, asked me if I’d like her to try calling me Alex and using neutral or masculine pronouns with me. We tried for one week-end; at the end of these few days, I felt amazing and asked her to keep going.
During the second half of 2021, I slowly extended this to most of my relationships. Every time someone uses my chosen name and pronouns, I feel wonderful – and with getting used to this, every time someone genders me in the feminine form, I feel worse than the previous time, which is a pretty clear sign that it needs to stop happening.
In December 2021, I made the switch at work, and on most Internet places in early 2022.
Is your physical appearance going to change?
Not now.
What do I do if I see your old name somewhere?
I might want to update it, so please tell me. If you can update it to Alex yourself, please feel free to do it, no need for my authorization.
How can I support you?
Hey, thanks, that’s a really nice thing to ask!
- Use the right pronouns and name for me
- Correct people if they get it wrong, whether I’m here or not to hear it. If I’m not, nobody other than you can help; if I am, it’s nice to have someone do it for me and save me the effort and awkwardness. Don’t make it a big deal – personally, I usually just say « he » when someone gets it wrong, and move on.
- Understand that this is a very stressful process, so if you can make my life easier, feel free to do so. (Although honestly, if you can make anyone’s life easier, do it, regardless of gender.)
- Don’t treat me differently! I’m still the same person, I like the same things as I did, and as far as I know, my personality hasn’t magically changed either 🙂