I used to like meditation. I had a long commute and would close my eyes on the bus or train and take 10 minutes to breathe and take in the world around me.
Then, COVID-19 happened. With COVID-19, we got stuck at home, sitting on a chair all day. I woke up and turned my computer on; I turned my computer off and went to sleep. I built routines around being stuck at home, invested in home workout equipment, created a one-hour « no screen » mandatory break every afternoon. It helped, it really did!
But I also stopped meditating, and didn’t understand why at first. Then, I read this blog post by Gretchen Rubin, and it all suddenly made sense. If we’re at home, doing nothing and sitting down during most of the day, then meditation, which is in essence more doing nothing and sitting down, isn’t the right way to go. What I needed wasn’t to numb myself even more; I needed stimulation.
So now, I try to play video games, or go outside (when allowed, when I’m comfortable going out) and have a walk and a jog, or I do a second home workout. I try to get my mind and/or my body moving, and to do a bit more activity instead of doing even less. And that’s how my anxiety went down – not by meditating in my usually busy life, but by making myself busy in a monotonous time of my life.
And it feels good.