There’s a fracture in my mind. Between who I am and who I was, between who I am and who I think I am, between who I think I am and who I want to be. I guess everyone has that fracture and everyone feels like they’re the only one.
Deciding to quit my industry has forced me to think of what I want to do. What do I want? What even are my values? What life do I want to live? Who am I? Who even am I?
This question keeps coming to me. How do I define myself? There’s my love for my hometown, sure. What else? Visiting Canada made me feel more French than ever, I violently felt the gap created by 20 years and my whole adult life away. My job was custom-built in my last two companies, so there’s no job title or work identity, not even mentioning that it’s all changing anyway. Wikipedia, Wikimedia? Love them, but they’re not my identity. Not skating, it’s been fifteen years and I refuse to think I peaked in high school. My partner? God, I hope I never use my partner as a fixed identity, no matter how wonderful they are. I don’t even have a gender!
So the fracture is there, and it grows as I walk through life and discover what I like, who I am and who I definitely am not and will not be.
It’s a journey, and one worth taking. Thinking it’s an easy one would be naive.
Cap'